


Twin Problems

by Townycod13



Category: South Park
Genre: Bizarre AU, M/M, kyley-b - Freeform, lmfao what even
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 16:40:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14919033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Townycod13/pseuds/Townycod13
Summary: someone sent me this prompt on tumblr and it's just so silly and bizarre I couldn't resist writing something lmfaoPrompt: Kyle and Kyley are actually twin brothers that both have a thing for Kenny.





	Twin Problems

Kenny wasn’t sure what he did to deserve this.

He was sure he hadn’t desecrated any cursed burial grounds and he did his best not to insult gods on the occasions that he was forced to meet his maker.

What on the planet had he ever done to deserve the attention of _the twins_.

Kyle and Kyley Broflovski. Equal parts unstoppable and utterly nuts in Kenny’s honest opinion. They normally liked to hang out with Stan or attend stupidly advanced classes. They weren’t supposed to turn around and start paying Kenny any mind.

Certainly not corner him in an empty classroom after school.

Sure, they were something of childhood friends, Kenny could remember a few times in elementary school where he’d hung out with the tornado duo and Stan. Sometimes even Cartman had been there, before the twins finally couldn't tolerate his shit anymore and started ignoring him.

But Kenny was childhood friends with almost all the other kids in town. That’s how it was, small town, not a lot of people, but with age people grow apart. It seemed the Broflovski’s had their eyes set on the ivy-leagues and that wasn’t a scene that Kenny fit comfortably into.

Which was well enough for him. Kyley scared the shit out of him on a good day, aggressive and blunt with exactly zero-tolerance for disrespect, and Kyle had a penchant for going nuclear when he lost his temper.

The two of them on the warpath at the same time might in actuality be a sign of the apocalypse. Kenny would have to consult Satan about that next time he was downstairs.

“Back off--” Kyley growled, grip digging into Kenny’s arm.

Kyle glared at his twin, hand firmly gripping the other arm, “You fuck off! I was here first.”

With any other situation and any other people, Kenny would be inclined to make a crack about there being enough of him to go around. He held his tongue expertly, aware that such a comment might actually result in his arms getting ripped off.

He’d done that death before. Not worthy of repeat.

He sent a panicked look to Stan off to the side but the other boy was just pinching the bridge of his nose like he was experiencing some serious second hand embarrassment.

Kyley tugged and Kenny almost lost his balance, Kyle on the other end crashed into him, “Don’t be a dick, Ky!”

“You’re the on being unreasonable!” Kyle returned, tugging the other direction.

Oh god, he really was going to die of ripped off arms. Son of a bitch.

“Don’t I get a say in this?” he muffled out, startling both parties.

“No!” the Broflovski’s chorused, ever contrary.

Great.

“Guys, can you just let Kenny go? This isn’t going to solve anything.”

Bless Stan. He was a good human being. Kenny sent him a grateful look as the painfully tight grips slowly loosened.

“Anyone want to explain to me what’s going on?” Kenny massaged his arms, more confident now that he had his appendages, “I know I’m irresistible, but geez, I didn’t know I was hot enough to cause a family feud.” he smarmed.

It was a joke.

It was supposed to be a joke.

Kenny glanced around nervously as the entirety of the room froze over. Kyle’s face was strangely red and Kyley was looking away. Stan had his hands up as if to proclaim his innocence.

“What?” Kenny asked the awkward silence, a new attempt at humor to help ease the tension, “Did my wit astound you into silence?”

“Oh goddamnit.” Stan pinched his nose again and, like a traiter, began to leave the empty classroom with Kenny and the twins.

“Stan, buddy, don’t leave me here.” he tried to restrain himself from his terrible humor, he really did, but it was there and he had to take it, “With witnesses gone they might ravish me!”

Kyley started coughing loudly and if Kyle was red before, this was a new low.

Stan gave him a blank look, “You dug your own grave, dude.” and left.

“Wait.” something clicked in Kenny’s head, “For real? Is this about to get kinky?”

“No!” Kyle burst, voice even more high pitched than usual.

Kyley glared at his brother, “Well, it _could_ if you’d give us some space.”

Kyle shot Kyley a dirty look, “In your dreams, asshole!” he whirled on Kenny and he had some thoughts on whiplash from the intensity of it, “Who do you like more, me or B?”

“Wait, hold up guys, I’m confused.”

Kyley bore down on im, “It’s a simple question, Ken-doll,” oh god, was Kyley th sort to give nicknames? It’d been a long time since they hung out. Kenny gulped, “Who do you like more?”

Kenny, in all of his wildest dreams and extensive imagination, had not considered this particular course of events. Or if he had, he’d blocked it out due to the sheer terror involved. No matter what he said there would be a Broflovski scorned.

You did _not_ scorn a Broflovski if you wanted to live a long and healthy life.

His eyes darted urgently between the two before he spotted the door Stan had abandoned him through. Stan was a pal. Stan didn’t corner him in classrooms and use him as a tug-a-war doll.

“Uhhh, I like Stan!” he called impulsively, using the shock to make a break for it.

Kenny ran all the way home, only feeling able to breathe again behind his flimsy front door.

“ _Holy shit_.” he slid down the wood, “What the fucking hell _was_ that about?!”


End file.
